I’m a WHAT?!

Lately, I have been dealing with the horror. The shear horror of realizing you’re a G when you think your an A. You’re a DDD (F) when you think your a B. Well sister, let me tell you. The cup don’t lie. What it comes down to is width, volume plays a hand, but width is the determining factor. So you might look small on top, but if your tissue is spread wide ( from observation usually not wearing an underwire bra) your going to be wide and not full. Does that make sense? Think of maybe cake batter or cookie dough. You take a spoon full and put it on a pan. You cook it in the oven, and the little mound that was your tablespoon has turned into a nice little thin round cookie. In theory. Lets say you run out of room on your cookie pan, and your last dollop of cookie dough you put too close to the edge, luckily, your pan has sides, so as the cookie expands it hits the side and takes a little shape of the pan. Think of breast tissue as expanding cookie dough, its not like lets say, mashed potatoes, that never move and stay solid (that would be augmentation). Think of the side of your pan as your underwire. Does this make sense? Maybe. Anyway. Moral is wear a bra. ( I feel like I’ve been saying that alot)

2 stories. Wait 3 stories. Ready?

1. “Can I just get fit for fun?” This girl asks me, as I have just changed the life of her friend ( I’ll save that for another post, it was priceless) I say sure, of course. She kicks her friend out of the fitting room, and hesitantly takes her top off. Women are so funny, they think I care, but I don’t. I measure her, fit her. She’s horrified. “Seriously? I’m a triple D? No way! I thought I was like an A or somethin.” Looking at her, no you’d think she was an A, there’s not alot of volume, and it would have been an extremely hard fit, because she wouldn’t have filled hardly anything in her size. But because all she wore were stretchy over the head bralette things, her breasts had spread.

2. Mom and Daughter are shopping. I offer to help the daughter find some bras, mom ends up in the fitting room. Daughter is disgusted by moms nasty boring bras… as she should be. If you have a nude bra, replace it. There is nothing grosser, to me, your man, your girlfriend, or your child, as some nasty old greying stretched out nude bra. They make nice ones. Get one. Anyway, I fit mom. She’s a __DDD. Totally horrified. I bring her in a selection close to what she’s asked for, somehow my gremlins have mixed up a DD with DDD and I brought in a DD. I told her this and she was like I am not a DDD at all. I’m a DD. Because mother and daughter were so wrapped up in eachother ( which is fine) I did not have the chance to educate. I’m sure I sounded crazy, and she went home raving on about the girl that fit her that day.

3. I get handed off this cute, pretty, curvy woman. Rich brown skin, and long black hair, her sister is doing a return and she wanted a fit. I led her into the fitting rooms, and while she’s disrobing she’s telling me all about where she is from and how it’s summer there year round. She thinks we are crazy living in the cold. We go through the fit process, and no, visually she was not any kind of melon, or fruit, or other round object I can compare to, but I measure her as a G. She shrieked when I told her. The fitting room went silent. I laughed, put my hand on her should and said ” Congratulations?” I then explained to her about the width vs volume. It makes sense if you think about it. Did I mention she was a US senator? I didn’t find that out until after.

So, now you might be asking, why must it go around the breast tissue? I think it makes pretty clear sense. But here’s some fun facts and fear for you. There are lymph nodes, and milk ducts down there in your armpit, chest area… if you wear a bra that is too small, it can cut into these essential internal parts. Potentially clogging ducts on pregnant/ nursing mothers, or affecting your lymphatic system. Sounds fun huh. In my experience, and opinion, go bigger, go to where its comfortable. The transition of what you see yourself before and after might be strange at first, but worth it for your health, in more ways than one.

Where to buy.





4 thoughts on “I’m a WHAT?!

  1. Last time I was sized I was told 34G. I’m short and find so many bras just seem so long that they aren’t comfortable. I just realized that when I do the scoop method and lean over to place my breasts in the cups, I’m spilling out. Normally I feel like I just tucked, so the G was “working.” So now I’m thinking I need a larger cup size. Do you have any recommendations on bras that might work? I have a lot of breast tissue on top. I like it when they are closer together with cleavage. I just measured and I’m 32″ and 41″ around the bust. Is that a 34I? Thank you.

    • The way I usually fit is a measurement around then use different cup sizes to determine size, so it’s hard to say. I would try these brands: elomi, freya, fantasie, panache, and Cleo. These companies design specifically for bigger bust sizes, and depending on where you go they can go all the way up to an N. The other catch to all rhos is they fit about a cup size smaller than alot of other brands because they use european sizing. For example, if you are a 34 G in Wacoal, you would be a 34 G in chantelle, but a 34 f in elomi ( and the other brand I named above).

      My recommendation would be to go get professionally fit. Nordstrom or a specialty store would be my suggestion. Soma goes up to a G but is less of a universal fit than of you go to a retailer that provides multiple brands. You want the band to be snug, and the underwires to lay flat in between your breasts for a perfect fit.

      Freya and Cleo also design for a young audience. So you’ll get the cleavage your looking for, particularly with freya’s deco style or the ones similar to that.

  2. I’ve worn underwire bras practically every day of my life for 20 years and I am a 36C (I think)… But most people think I’m a B and girls waaaay smaller looking than me claim that they are a 32c?! What gives?! I tried to apply the cookie pan analogy but it’s not working for me?

    • It’s hard to say without seeing in person, but usually most women are in at least one band size (usually 2) too big, when you go down a band size- you go up a cup size… so while you may wear a 36C it’s entirely possible your a 32DD (for example). I’ll cover this in one of my next posts… about sizing.

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